Once upon a time in a far away land a perfect couple lived in a perfect house with perfect children and a perfect dog who never had an accident in the house and no one ever argued blah blah blah you know the rest. Sheesh, that sounds PERFECT doesn’t it?
The fact is, even if perfection were achievable would you want it? Would you change the trails which have made you the person you are today? That’s been a question that’s been racing through my mind over and over for the past few years. You see, as a single mother of two, I’ve had my share of turbulence. I’ve been dragged from the edge of the world and back while picking up, not just mine but, other people's baggage along the way. And I didn't how to put those bags down, to let them go. I began to look like a typical bag lady.
I was up to eyeballs with stress, headaches, sleeplessness nights, a suppressed appetite, forgetfulness.... you name it, it was a part of my daily struggle. All of this stress, because of me trying to balance the early morning emergency calls from my job, followed by the emergency “ Ma I told you I needed, ABC for XY and ZEEEE!” ( sidebar:Why do kids sing talk?). Calls from homegirls and homeboys needing advice or just someone to listen to them. All of this pushed my life aside because of course, I’m going to try and be the best and most giving person I can be.
However, slowly I was breaking down, I watched my goals and dreams get further and further behind the timeline in which I wanted to achieve them by. I began doubting myself as a woman and as a person. Where is my “come up", I wondered. It took a while, but I had to stop... literally shut out the world by closing the door, not my heart, the door. The door to everyone else’s problem and focus on myself.
How do I start to unpack, and unload, all of these bags I have acquired? How do I begin to appreciate all that I’ve been through and use it to propel me higher heights? Well, I had to first realize that I had a problem, a bag lady problem.. (in my Erykah Badu singing voice). Yeah I said it... Bag Lady! And to be honest you might be a bag lady (or a bag man) too!
The next step I took was the most important steps that I continue to take everyday: I prayed. Now, even though I only commit to myself spiritually, which means I don’t associated with any traditional religious community, I speak to the Queen within me, for we are all spiritual beings having a human experience.
I understand this and so I speak life into my soul. I started to grow in peace, like that of the watering of a plant that’s facing the sun. I shut out the energy that was making me feel shattered and doubt the abilities the universe has given me.
I still continued to listen to my friends and family however, I put a time limit on how long I speak or listen to their (not my) issue. I opened my “bag” and just as winter turns into spring, went through every piece of clothing and if it didn’t fit, tossed it! Now, the garments I threw out did serve their purpose, I needed them at one point, however since I’ve lost weight.. they don’t fit anymore! And now I'm just a free spirit, with nothing to prove with all of my karma paid, finally putting myself first.
So, once upon a time in a not so far away land, there was a not-so-perfect woman, who went through her not-so-perfect situation, through some really hard trials and tribulation and came out with a lot less bags (and didn’t even smell like smoke)!
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